


If You Built Yourself A Myth

by violet_baudelaire



Category: American Horror Story: Freak Show
Genre: 1950's era, Abusive Relationships, Attraction, Eventual Romance, F/M, Het, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, scheming stepmother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-26 13:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2653454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_baudelaire/pseuds/violet_baudelaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marissa loved working at the library. She knew most of the townsfolk in Jupiter, but she had never seen him before. It was not cold outside but he was wearing leather gloves that matched his jacket, under which was a white t-shirt paired with jeans. As he walked up to the front desk Marissa could see he was taller than her, but not as tall as Andrew was. He had tousled dark brown hair and deep brown eyes. He leaned on the desk, and smiled at her in a friendly way.</p><p>Marissa picked up one of the flyers and glanced at it, intrigued by what was shown on it. “Oh, this looks like an interesting show. Are you one of the performers?” </p><p>“Yeah, I am. They call me the Lobster Boy,” He laughed. “But my real name is Jimmy Darling.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

**A/N: I have too many unfinished stories right now, so I should not be starting another one but I have too many Jimmy feels so I just had to write another story.**

  
**DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything, just a fan of the show.**

**WARNINGS: Mentions of an abusive boyfriend. I think that’s it for now.**

_What comes after this momentary bliss? Consequence of what you do to me... Myth – Beach House_

“Marissa, come quickly!”

Marissa heard her stepmother Grace calling for her and sighed as she took off her apron and left the kitchen. A willowy blonde woman with green eyes dressed in a cream fitted jacket with silk lapels and a matching skirt stood at the foot of the stairs, frowning at her. “What is it, mother?” Marissa asked. “You know I’m busy with dinner preparations.”

“Andrew will be here in a matter of minutes, and you haven’t even changed yet!” Grace exclaimed. “Don’t worry about the food; it will just about be done by the time he comes.”

Marissa looked down at her white blouse which was paired with a yellow sweater and skirt set. “What’s wrong with the way I look now?”

“It’s boring, and it doesn’t flatter your figure, darling. It’s fine for your little job at the library, but not for dinner with your future husband,” Grace reached up and took Marissa’s glasses from her. “And what did I say about these? Throw them away; you need to get a new pair that’s not so old fashioned.”

“No, I won’t change them,” Marissa stated firmly. She did not often say no to her stepmother, let alone to anyone but the glasses were special to her. “Daddy picked these out for me, remember? When I wear them I think of him...”

“Well, your dear father left us with a lot of debt on our hands, Marissa. I am trying my best here, but if you don’t do as I say we will be ruined. Andrew is perfect for you. He’s smart, handsome and most importantly he stands to inherit two businesses in town. It’s a miracle you were able to catch his interest in the first place. If only you were a natural beauty like me, why I’m sure we could have secured an even better prospective husband for you but Andrew will do just fine. He’ll be able to take care of you and me quite comfortably, and we won’t lose the house,” Grace marched up the stairs, turning back to beckon impatiently at Marissa to follow her. “Come along now; let’s pick out something suitable for you to wear.”

Marissa reluctantly followed Grace back upstairs. Grace picked out one of her own dresses for Marissa to wear, proclaiming that it suited Marissa’s pale skin tone and was much more in fashion than any of the dresses Marissa had. Although Grace was slightly taller than Marissa, they were both slim and the dress fit Marissa well. Then Grace sat Marissa down at her dresser and brushed out her long red hair, before gathering the top section up into a ponytail which she secured tightly with a white ribbon. “I think it’s a bit too tight...” Marissa put a hand up the ponytail and Grace smacked her hand away.

“It’s meant to be that way, so it doesn’t fall out. Just leave it,” Grace snapped. “And where is all the make-up I bought for you?”

Marissa reluctantly opened the drawer in her dresser. She only liked to put on a little lipstick and that was the basis of her daily make-up routine. “I don’t like wearing a lot of make-up. What’s wrong with being natural?”

Grace laughed. “Oh, my dear. Only ugly girls say things like that. And you are not ugly, but you are a little plain. Make-up can turn a plain girl into a pretty one, just like magic. And of course, it just enhances natural beauty like my own. Besides, it will help cover those awful freckles on the bridge of your nose,” She set to work applying a light foundation base to Marissa’s face before adding some peach blusher. “I think we’ll go with the coral lipstick...” Grace decided, while rummaging through the make-up supply. She applied the lipstick and some mascara as well as a shade of eyeshadow that drew attention to Marissa’s blue eyes. “Perfect...” Grace clapped. “You look much better now,” She stared expectantly at Marissa. “Now, what do you have to say to me?”

“Thank you, mother,” Marissa replied quietly, and then took a thoughtful look at her reflection. Now it was done, she actually liked it but she still would not want to do it on a daily basis. Although perhaps on special occasions, it would be nice to have it done.

Grace leant down and hugged her. “You’re welcome, darling. Now, I hope you’re not going to look so miserable when Andrew arrives. If you-” The chime of the doorbell interrupted Grace, and she looked alarmed. “He must be here now. Hurry, go and open the door for him. I’ll watch over the food in the meantime.”

Marissa sighed as she went downstairs and headed for the front door. She was uneasy about seeing Andrew again, and a little hesitant but yet she was also looking forward to see him again, despite the incident that had happened a few days ago. Andrew had hit her. Still, he had been under a lot of stress from work. He had apologized and promised he would not do it again. Marissa had to hope he was telling the truth. Marissa opened the door and took in the sight of Andrew. He was tall and broad shouldered, with hazel eyes and fair hair that was as usual gelled back with a neat side parting. Tonight he was wearing a tailored dark blue suit half hidden under his felt jacket. In the two months that she had been dating him, Marissa had never once seen him in casual clothes. “Hello, Andrew. Please come in,” Marissa stepped aside so he could enter the house and then shut the door.

Andrew was holding a bouquet of lilies in his hand. He appeared to be surprised as his gaze travelled from her made up face to the dress. “Marissa, you look different today.”

“Yes, it was mother’s idea,” Marissa bit her lip, trying to gauge his thoughts. “What do you think?”

“I don’t think you need so much make-up,” Andrew replied, giving her a mild look of disapproval. “And the neckline of the dress is a little too low, Marissa...”

“Oh, I see...” Marissa felt disappointed that he had nothing nice to say about her appearance but reminded herself that he liked her just the way she was and she should be grateful for that.

Andrew’s expression changed to a rueful one. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry...” He sighed. “The truth is, you look beautiful. Too beautiful. I don’t want other guys getting attracted to you, because you’re my girl. And besides, you’re perfect just the way you are,” Andrew smiled softly at her as he handed her the lilies. “Here, I got these for you,”

Marissa was touched by the sincerity in Andrew’s tone and her disappointment faded away. “That’s so nice of you, Andrew...” Marissa smiled brightly as she leant over to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”

Andrew unbuttoned his jacket and took it off, before he held it out to her. “I should go and say hello to your mother.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a little while,” Marissa replied, taking his jacket which she then hung up in the coat closet. Then she found a glass vase to put the lilies in, and added some water after finding a good place for the vase. When Marissa went into the dining room, she saw that Andrew and Grace were already seated at the table. Marissa had laid out all the place settings and cutlery earlier, and Grace had placed the steaming hot chicken pie in the centre of the table, along with some side dishes and a bottle of wine. Andrew and Grace were talking in hushed tones, but when she came into the room they stopped.

“I was just telling your mother that she could be mistaken for your sister,” Andrew remarked.

“Nonsense, as if that could be true...” Grace coyly replied, with a little laugh. “Marissa, don’t just stand there darling. I’m sure Andrew is ready to eat now.”

Marissa cut open the pie, gravy spilling out as she plated up slices for everyone. She added some creamy mashed potatoes and some vegetables to each plate and then served up the meal. The conversation mainly revolved around Andrew’s work and Grace’s gossip about their neighbours. Marissa was glad that Andrew liked the pie, although he was not so keen on the dessert which he criticized heavily. Grace’s smile became tense, and Marissa could tell her stepmother had taken offense although she was hiding it well. It had been Grace who had made the dessert in the first place, but Andrew did not know that. Grace excused herself rather abruptly after dessert ended. Andrew engaged Marissa in small talk until he had to leave, and they parted ways with a chaste kiss.

“You liked the cake, didn’t you?” Grace asked as she sat at the breakfast table, watching Marissa wash up the plates.

“Yes, it was lovely mother,” Marissa rinsed off a soapy plate then dried it with a cloth. “Perhaps Andrew just doesn’t like the taste of coconuts.”

“Of course, it must be that. Your father always loved my coconut cake, you know,” Grace stood up from the table and pressed a hand up to her forehead. “Darling, I have a frightful migraine. You don’t mind cleaning up on your own tonight, do you?”

“No, mother. You go and get some rest,” Marissa replied kindly. “I’ll bring you up some cocoa in an hour.”

Grace smiled as she came over and dropped a kiss onto Marissa’s cheek. “I knew you would understand, Marissa.”

The next morning Marissa woke up late and had to rush to get ready because she had an early shift at the library. The head librarian Mrs Danvers would be cross if she was not there on time. After Marissa changed into suitable work attire and twisted her hair into a hasty bun, she had to leave and did not have time for breakfast. She usually walked to the library, since it was only a few blocks away from her house. Today she decided to take her bicycle, which meant she could put her lunch sack and her purse into the basket attached to the bicycle instead of carrying it like she usually did. Fortunately, she arrived just on time so Mrs Danvers had no reasonable excuse to scold her. Marissa loved working at the library. She felt most at peace there. Her favourite books were like old friends. The morning passed quietly with Marissa sorting out returned books and a new lot of books that had come in. Mrs Danvers took an early lunch and left Marissa in charge of the front desk in her absence. There was nobody in the library at the moment, so Marissa took the chance to fix her hair which had started to unravel from the bun.

Just as she had let her hair loose however someone entered the library, so she had to leave it for the time being. Marissa knew most of the townsfolk in Jupiter, but she had never seen him before. It was not cold outside but he was wearing leather gloves that matched his jacket, under which was a white t-shirt paired with jeans. As he walked up to the front desk Marissa could see he was taller than her, but not as tall as Andrew was. He had tousled dark brown hair and deep brown eyes. He leaned on the desk, and smiled at her in a friendly way.

Marissa was so caught up in staring at him that it took a minute or so before she snapped out of her daze. She felt embarrassed and knew a pink flush was creeping onto her face. She also felt bad because she knew she should not have stared at him, no matter how attractive he was. Marissa had Andrew, and she was lucky to have him. So she smiled politely and did what she was supposed to do. “How can I help you today?”

“I was wondering if I could leave some flyers in here,” He replied, taking out a rolled up sheaf of papers which he laid out on the desk. “If that’s allowed...”

Marissa picked up one of the flyers and glanced at it, intrigued by what was shown on it. “Oh, this looks like an interesting show. Are you one of the performers?”  
“Yeah, I am. They call me the Lobster Boy,” He laughed. “But my real name is Jimmy Darling.”

“Nice to meet you, Jimmy. I’m Marissa Winters,” She opened a drawer in the desk and took out a small case of tacks. “I’ll put one of your flyers up on the notice board, that might help attract more attention.” She stood up and walked over to the notice board, flyer and tacks in her hands, before surveying the board to choose a place for the flyer.

“What about the top corner?”

Marissa turned to see Jimmy was standing right behind her. It startled her, and she stepped back. Being in such close proximity to him made her feel nervous. She had to turn back and take a deep breath before she could talk again. “Oh yes, there is a space free there...” She pressed the flyer up against the surface of the board then got some tacks ready.

“Here, I’ll hold the flyer in place and you pin it,” Jimmy suggested, placing his hand onto the flyer.

“Thank you,” Marissa smiled as she pushed the tacks into the flyer. “There, that’s done.”

“I gotta go, but maybe I’ll see you around sometime,” Jimmy replied. “And you should come visit our show.”

Just as Jimmy turned to leave, Marissa put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Wait, you didn’t tell me why you’re called the Lobster Boy.”

Jimmy took off his gloves, revealing his unusual hands. His fingers were frozen forever in two V shapes, a thumb, index and pointer finger on one side of the V and the ring finger and little finger on the other side.

Marissa gasped in shock, and then she leaned forwards to get a closer look. She touched Jimmy’s hands with her own, running her fingers over his fused together ones, feeling how they differed from her own. “Have they always been like this?”

Jimmy drew back his hands from her touch and put his gloves on again. “Yeah, I was born this way.” He gave her a hard, challenging stare. “Got a problem with it?”

Marissa shook her head slowly. “No, no...I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you. It was very rude of me. It’s just that I haven’t seen anything like that before...”

“You’ll see a lot more that you haven’t seen, if you come to the show,” Jimmy replied teasingly, and to Marissa’s relief he smiled again before he left.

She had not meant to offend him after all. It was just that she could not help her curiosity. Marissa went back to the desk and when Mrs Danvers showed up Marissa was able to take her lunch and sit at a table in the library, reading one of her own novels while she ate. Mrs Danvers was very strict on not allowing food or drink near the books, but she could not complain when it was Marissa’s own books at risk of damage. Just after she finished her sandwich, she saw Andrew coming over to her table. He often dropped in at the library on her lunch break to visit her. After they greeted each other and he sat down, Marissa mentioned the show to him. “...And so I think it would be really fun. We could even go tonight,” Marissa took a bite of her apple. “We haven’t gone out anywhere new in a while now.”

“I’ve heard of it before. It’s nothing more than a sideshow for freaks of nature,” Andrew replied scornfully. “There is no way I’m going to waste money paying to see them.”

Marissa frowned at him. “Don’t call them freaks. They may be different in some ways, but we’re all human and we all bleed the same. If you really don’t want to go, then maybe I’ll just go on my own.”

“You’re not going anywhere unless I allow you to, Marissa,” Andrew slammed his hand down onto the table, causing Mrs Danvers to glower at him and loudly shush him. He ignored her, and kept talking. “You’re forbidden from going to that freakshow, and if you don’t listen to me you’re going to regret it.” He stood up and stormed around the table then grabbed hold of Marissa’s arm, pulling her to a standing position. He was red faced, glowering at her as he pulled her out of sight of Mrs Danvers and roughly pushed her back against a bookcase. “Do you understand?”

Marissa quickly nodded, averting her gaze from him and hoping he would not realize she was lying to him. “Yes, I do. I won’t go, I promise,” Although it worried her when Andrew got into one of his moods, she just had to go and see the show; she wanted to see Jimmy performing.

“You knocked some books off a shelf, young man,” Mrs Danvers marched up to them, holding a small pile of books which she thrust at Andrew. “Now you had better put them back. And Marissa, your lunch break is over now. Get back to work,” Mrs Danvers turned on her heel and went back to the desk.

Andrew handed the books to Marissa, and he seemed calmer now as he gently tucked a lock of Marissa’s hair back behind her ear and kissed her softly. “I didn’t mean to shout at you, sweetheart. You know I hate it when we argue. Sometimes you might not like my decisions but you know I only want what’s best for you, Marissa,”

Marissa set the books onto a shelf and hugged him tightly, breathing in his scent and trying hard not to compare it to Jimmy‘s own scent which was more natural, no cologne but just the fresh clean scent of a soap. “I know, Andrew. I’m sorry; it was my fault too...” She was not really apologizing for what had happened today, but for what she was going to do. Sneaking off to see the show after he had told her not to. Marissa felt so guilty but she knew if she did not go she would regret it.

**Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything, just a fan of the show.**

There was a tension in the town of Jupiter that had not been there before, because of a spate of murders by an unknown killer. There were also two people missing, one a young lady with a sweetheart that had been the first murder victim and the other a boy whose parents had been the next two murder victims. A curfew had been set in place, so all the townsfolk had to be in their homes by 8pm sharp. Marissa kept to the curfew, because if was for her own safety and she usually followed the rules. Besides, even if she had been foolhardy enough not to care about the psychopath that was brutally killing innocent townsfolk and still went out after curfew, she could be arrested. The police were being very strict on enforcing the curfew. Andrew also called her every night to check that she was safely in her house. Which was sweet of him, but Marissa had not liked it when she had been told off by him on one occasion when she had been too busy to pick up his call. Sometimes he treated her like a child, as if she was incapable of making decisions without his guidance.

Marissa still longed to visit the show, especially because it was her best chance to see Jimmy again. However, just when she found the perfect evening to attend the show since Andrew was out of town on business, the curfew had been put in place and so the show had been cancelled. She knew the show would have to remain cancelled until the curfew was lifted. Marissa was very disappointed that her visit to see the show would be delayed but she was also worried about how Jimmy and his fellow performers would manage to get by without the money from the ticket sales. From what she had heard around town, even when the regular evening show had been available ticket sales had been poor. Many of the townsfolk were prejudiced against the performers because of their uniqueness compared to regular people. And these recent horrible murders made the prejudice worse. A lot of people were convinced the mysterious murderer was a ‘freak’, as the performers were rudely called by the majority of the townsfolk. Marissa did not want to believe that, but she could not be completely sure. After all, she had never met the others and even if she had she would not know if one of them was a killer. Yet it could just as easily have been one of the townsfolk or a drifter from out of town that had done the murders.

“Did you hear there was a fight in the diner?”

Marissa was drawn out of her thoughts at work in the library by Mrs Morris, a gossipy old widow who had a tight hold on a recipe book. “What happened?”

“Well, some of those freaks came down to the diner and rightly enough they were refused service.  They would not leave, if you can believe that. Then another freak came in, but I heard he’s normal enough compared to the other freaks. He’s a strongman. Anyway, he made the freaks leave. Before that happened, he punched one of the freaks, one with deformed hands. He gave him a black eye. Serves him right, since I also heard he was the one who brought the other freaks into the diner,” Mrs Morris related in a grim tone, although her eyes were alight with satisfaction at relaying news to another person. “I heard everything straight from Mrs Jackson, who was in the diner at the time with her little girl. Now, you know I’m not one to judge, but they are bad. All of them. I was hoping that they would be driven out of town since they can’t do their shows, but apparently they found a way around that. Offering matinee shows. Well, I certainly won’t be going, that’s for sure.”

“They wouldn’t want you there anyway, _I’m sure_ ,” Marissa replied sharply. “Now do you need help with something? I’m busy alphabetising this section of books.” 

Mrs Morris appeared taken aback and then a scowl took over her face. “Marissa Winters, what has gotten into you? I’ve known you since you were a little girl and not once have you disrespected me like this. I won’t stand for it!” She exclaimed angrily. “I demand that you apologize to me this instant or I’ll have to make a formal complaint to Mrs Danvers about your rudeness.”

Marissa paled. “Oh no, don’t do that please. I...I am sorry. Truly sorry.  I’ve been under some stress lately and I took it out on you but it was really wrong of me. I’ll bake you something nice as an apology. Some of those brownies you liked at my mother’s last house party. How does that sound, Mrs Morris?”

“Brownies and an apple pie too,” Mrs Morris demanded after a short pause. “I have to check out my book now.”

Marissa sighed as she watched Mrs Morris depart from her view. Normally she would have kept calm, not given in to the urge to retort rudely. She did not know what had come over her. She was angry and upset with how the performers had been treated in the diner and how Jimmy had been hurt by another performer. Of course, just because they worked and lived together, it did not mean everyone had to be friends. Yet surely there had to a bond between them. And of course Jimmy could take care of himself. Yet that did not stop Marissa from feeling bad for Jimmy and disliking the man who had hit him. She knew she should not be getting so involved with it all however it was difficult for her not to.

\------------------------------------

Finally Marissa was able to see the show. She had caught a lift with a friend, and they had been late. It was crowded in the big top, so they had sat down at the back. Marissa had loved the show, and she was pleasantly surprised that so many of the townsfolk appeared to be enjoying the show too. After the show ended the audience started to disperse, but Marissa walked in the opposite direction to them. They were headed to the exit while she was walking closer to the caravans and other tents surrounding the big top.

 “So did you like the show?”

Marissa turned around and saw Jimmy, the exact person she had been looking for. “Yes, it was amazing. My friend and I had a really good time...” Marissa glanced past Jimmy to where her friend Jane was standing waiting for her, looking uncomfortable and with her arms crossed.  “She’s a bit shy...”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve seen her before,” Jimmy seemed amused as he waved at her friend, who pretended not to notice and looked in the other direction.

“Around town or at one of your shows?” Marissa asked, curious as to how they knew each other.

Jimmy shrugged, smirking at her friend’s action of avoiding him. “Just a party. A private show, I guess you could call it.”

Marissa wondered what exactly had gone on between her friend and Jimmy but decided it was probably better that she did not know. “Okay. Well I just wanted to give you this, and then I’m going to go,” She handed him a basket covered with a red and white plaid cloth.  “It’s for everyone to share.”

“What’s inside?” Jimmy pulled back the cloth. “Oh, cookies. Nice...” He grinned as he took out a cookie and bit into it.  “Unless you poisoned them,” His smile faded away and he became solemn all of a sudden.

“What?” Marissa was shocked by his accusation. “No, of course not. Just sugar cookies with a little icing, that’s all...” And then it dawned on her that he was teasing her and she laughed softly. “Oh, you’re joking...”

Jimmy laughed too. “Want to come and meet the others?”

“I...” Marissa hesitated. “I’d like to, but I can’t. I think Jane is ready to leave, and she’s giving me a lift back to town.”

“So tell her to go,” He shrugged, giving her a winning smile. “I can give you a ride back later on my bike...”

“Well...” Marissa knew it was not a good idea. She already felt guilty enough for coming to the show in the first place and breaking her promise to Andrew. Yet she wanted to spend more time with Jimmy. And it was not like she was cheating on Andrew. She barely knew Jimmy. He was not even a friend, but it would be good if she could be friends with him. That should be all she could expect from him. The attraction she felt towards Jimmy was harmless, like a silly schoolgirl crush and surely it would fade over time. Besides, it was not as if she was going to be alone with Jimmy, she was going to be around his friends. However, she knew she was just trying to find a way to justify her actions. She knew she should not stay but she had already done something wrong and she felt like she would regret it if she left. “Alright. I’ll just go and tell her I’m not coming with her.”

When Marissa walked back over to Jane, her friend frowned at her. “Are you ready to leave now?” Jane was a pretty brunette who had become a housewife at the age of nineteen, and now at the age of twenty three she had two children. Jane was only four years older than Marissa. “I have to get back home.”

Sometimes it scared Marissa to think that if everything went well with Andrew, she would be in the same position as Jane one day. It was not that she disliked the idea of being a housewife or a mother, but she knew with certainty that Andrew would become more controlling than he already was. ”You can go without me. I’m getting another lift back into town.”

“With who?” Jane demanded to know. “Not one of the freaks?”

“Jane, they’re not freaks,” Marissa sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew Jimmy?”

Jane’s green eyes widened for a few moments and she visibly tensed up. Then she shook her head slowly. “Why would I associate with a freak?  I don’t know him at all. He must have me confused with someone else,” She smiled, although it seemed strained. Then she hugged Marissa. “I don’t like this, but I can’t tell you what to do. Just promise to call me later so I know you got home safely.”

Marissa returned the hug, knowing her friend was lying to her and again wondering what had happened between Jane and Jimmy. “I will, Jane. Goodbye.”  

The first people Jimmy introduced her to was the tall lady, Amazon Eve and the doll like Ma Petite.  Eve was sitting at the piano, and her best friend Ma Petite was sitting on top of the piano. Eve took a cookie and split it into half, then split one of the halves into a quarter before she handed the quarter to Ma Petite, eating the rest of the cookie herself. Ma Petite had to carefully balance her diet and could only eat small meals because of her tiny stature and she had eaten amply at lunch time.

“It’s very sweet and tasty,” Ma Petite sounded happy as she ate her portion of the cookie.

“It sure is,” Eve agreed, smiling fondly at Ma Petite. “Ma Petite is going to help me rehearse the song for tomorrow’s show, when the twins arrive. Before that, there’s time to just play anything we like...” 

“Marissa, why don’t you pick something for Eve to play?” Jimmy suggested, nudging her with his elbow.

“I’m not very good, but there is a duet I learned with my mother. She was a talented pianist...” Marissa replied. “Can we try playing the duet, Eve?”

“You don’t have to ask. Come and sit down, sweetie,” Eve replied, shifting on the piano stool so there was space for Marissa to sit beside her. “You play a bit, and I’ll see if I know it too.”

Marissa sat down and played the first few notes. It had been a long time since she had last played, but it all came rushing back as she continued to play, and Eve joined in. Marissa allowed the music to wash over her, and for a few moments she could see in her mind an image of her as a young girl sitting next to her mother at the piano, playing that very same duet. When the duet was over, Jimmy and Ma Petite both clapped energetically.

“Who are you?” The twins had arrived and it was Dot who had spoken, staring at Marissa mistrustfully. Bette appeared to be wary of her too, but her expression was not hostile like her sister.

“I’m Marissa, and you must be Dot. Pleased to meet you. Bette, I’m also pleased to meet you too,” Marissa smiled at the twins, although Dot’s hard piercing stare unnerved her somewhat. “Would you like a cookie? I just made them fresh today.”

Bette’s eyes lit up at the mention of cookies, and a small smile graced her lips. “Oh, I like cookies, but not ones with raisins...”

“It doesn’t matter if they have raisins or not,” Dot harshly snapped. “You’re not having one, and neither am I.” She unfairly decided on behalf of them both.

Bette’s face fell. “Dot, please...”

Jimmy stepped forward and held out the basket to the twins, giving them a playful smile. “No raisins, and they taste really good. I had a few myself...”

“I don’t care, I don’t want any...” Dot replied coldly, but her face softened as she gazed at Jimmy and then she sighed heavily before looking at her twin. “Alright, Bette. You can have one cookie. Just one.” She frowned at Marissa. “What are you doing here anyway?” Dot asked, as her sister bit into the cookie and smiled dreamily.

“Hey, Dot. Come on, she’s my guest. Be nice to her, alright?” Jimmy coaxed gently.

“I’m not being rude. I just wanted to know why she was here, that’s all. Besides, I am nice. I’m nice to little Miss Blondie and that takes some effort,” Dot retorted.

Bette gave her sister a reproachful look. “Well _I_ like her. And you know she doesn’t like it when you call her that, Dot...” 

Dot raised her eyes heavenward. “I know that, Bette. That’s the whole point. ”

“It’s mean, Dot,” Bette admonished her.

Then the twins looked at each other silently, their expressions changing and it looked like they were having a private conversation through their thoughts. Eve set up some sheet music and accompanied the twins as they began their singing rehearsal.

“I don’t know where Paul and Suzy are, they should be around here somewhere...” Jimmy looked thoughtful. “I bet my Ma is in her caravan...”

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” A beautiful young woman with brown eyes and fair hair had appeared. She looked at Marissa inquisitively. “A friend of yours, Jimmy?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” Jimmy replied, and Marissa noticed that he stood up a little straighter. He seemed different now that she had arrived. He was gazing at her with a carefully guarded admiration. “Marissa, meet Madame Esmerelda, our beautiful fortune teller.”

Dot’s expression changed to a sour one upon Jimmy’s description of Esmerelda, and it was clear Esmerelda was the one Dot had referred to as Miss Blondie. The twins appeared to like Jimmy, Dot especially and now that Marissa had seen Esmerelda she could understand why Dot felt the way she did toward Esmerelda. It was very irrational and stupid but Marissa was already beginning to feel the same way. Yet at the same time she liked Esmerelda in much the same way as she liked Eve and Ma Petite. Although it would be harder for Marissa to be friends with Esmerelda than with the others. And it was none of her business who Jimmy liked. Marissa had Andrew, and Jimmy was free to be with anyone he wanted to but she still was not keen on the idea of seeing him with someone else. It was selfish, and she felt horrible but she hoped that Esmerelda did not like Jimmy as more than a friend.

“It’s nice to meet you, Esmerelda,” Marissa shook hands with Esmerelda and managed to smile although she did not feel like smiling. “I didn’t see your name on the flyer...”

“That’s because I just joined the show. Would you like me to give you a palm reading?”  Esmerelda asked, giving her a cordial smile in return.

“Another time maybe,” Jimmy replied. “I gotta take her back home before curfew. I don’t want to give those cops another reason to make trouble for us,” He gave the basket to Esmerelda and smiled at her affectionately. “Have some, share it with the others. I’ll see you later...”

“Alright,” Esmerelda replied, seeming thoughtful as she watched Jimmy leave with Marissa after they had said goodbye to everyone.

Marissa was nervous about getting on the motorbike, since she had never ridden on one before, but she felt calmer once she was sat behind Jimmy, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Because she felt safe with Jimmy, and the speed of the motorbike turned out to be exciting rather than frightening. For a short time she was even able to forget about Andrew and Esmerelda. It was just her and Jimmy, and she imagined eloping with Jimmy, him driving her out of Jupiter and somewhere far away to start a new life together. When Jimmy slowed down as they approached her street, she had to come back to reality. What she had imagined was a selfish fantasy. Jimmy had ties to the show, his mother, and his friends who were like a family and of course Esmerelda. Marissa was a small town girl, and always would be. She had her mother, Andrew, friends and her librarian job and that was what she needed to focus on. Not Jimmy. She hated getting off the bike, finding it hard to let go of Jimmy and so she did it slowly. After they exchanged goodbyes Marissa stood staring after his bike as he drove it off into the distance until it disappeared from her view.

**Thanks for reading :)**

 


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: Just a fan of the show, I own nothing.

WARNINGS: Mentions an abusive boyfriend.

It had been a week since Marissa’s visit to see the show. It was a day when she was not working in the library. She thought it would be nice to surprise Andrew at work, so they could eat lunch together. Marissa felt guilty for lying to him, and she felt like she should be making more effort to make him happy. She knew she had to forget about Jimmy, although it was really hard to stop thinking about him. In fact, it was impossible. When she arrived at the building where Andrew worked, which was a lengthy bicycle ride away from her house, she was surprised to see that his secretary Laura was not at her desk. Then she realized that Laura was probably out on her lunch break. So she headed over to the inner door which led to Andrew’s office and knocked on it. “Andrew, it’s Marissa. Can I come in?” She asked politely. 

“No!” Andrew’s reply was muffled through the door. “Just wait a few minutes.”

Marissa ignored him and opened the door anyway, sensing that something was wrong. Inside the office, her heart sunk when she saw Andrew and Laura. They both had flushed faces and Laura looked mortified by seeing Marissa there, but Andrew seemed annoyed. He was standing in front of his desk, and Laura was a few paces away, adjusting her pencil skirt. The brunette’s prettily made up face had one flaw, her smudged lipstick. Andrew’s hair was dishevelled, he had a lipstick stain on his face and his suit jacket was flung over the small couch in the office. His shirt was half tucked in and buttoned up wrongly. It did not take a genius to figure out what had happened, and Marissa was not sure how to feel. On the one hand, she felt hurt, sick, and betrayed. On the other hand, she found it hard to judge Andrew when she herself had been cheating in a very slight way because of the strong affection she felt for Jimmy. Yet of course nothing had happened with Jimmy. Imagining what could happen with Jimmy was just harmless fantasy. Andrew had broken her trust and actually cheated on her in reality. The strangest thing to Marissa was that finding out Andrew had cheated did not completely devastate her. She instinctively knew it would have been so much different if she had actually been dating Jimmy and he had cheated. That would have just about killed her. This pain, though strong, was not as terrible. Her feelings for Andrew, if they were really true and not just her fooling herself into thinking she wanted to be with him always, had paled considerably now after her shocking discovery. 

Andrew cleared his throat. “Laura was just telling me about a new contract I needed to sign. Isn’t that right, Laura?” He asked her, giving her an intense stare. 

Laura quickly nodded. “Yes, that’s right. Well, I should get back to my desk now,” She avoided looking at Marissa as she hurried out of the office, shutting the door behind her. 

“Why didn’t you wait outside?” Andrew practically growled, his eyes sparking with a building rage. He stormed up to Marissa and smacked her hard across the face, leaving a red imprint on her cheek. She was shocked by his sudden attack, but the sting of the slap mild compared to the pain in her heart.  “I told you to wait!” He exclaimed, grabbing hold of her arms with a tight, bruising grip and shaking her for a few moments. He sighed heavily. “Why didn’t you just wait?”

“I’m sorry, I...” Marissa started to apologize, but then she changed her mind and drew up a little courage. “No, actually I’m not sorry at all. You’re the one who cheated on me, why should I be sorry?” 

Andrew released her briefly, then one of his hands caught hold of her long red tresses and he used his hold on her hair to pull her closer.  “I wasn’t going to say anything, but did you really think I didn’t know about your little trip to see those freaks? After I warned you not to go!” He shouted angrily. 

“Andrew, please stop...” Marissa tried to pry his hand away from her hair, as the roots of her hair were being strained and it hurt her. “You promised me, remember? You said you wouldn’t hit me again.”

“Yes, and you promised me you wouldn’t me go to that show,” Andrew shot back, then smiled at her coldly. “I don’t have to keep promises if you don’t keep your promises either,” He pushed her away from him, and then struck her with a closed fist. All she saw was the flash of gold from his class ring before she felt the painful impact, which caused her lip to split open and tears to spring into her eyes from the pain. “Besides, this is all your fault. I’m a man, I have needs and all the waiting to have you was driving me crazy. I had to get some relief, that’s why I slept with Laura.” 

Marissa did cry then, unable to hold back her tears anymore. “That’s unfair, Andrew. You were the one who told me that you were happy for us to wait until we got married. You said you would never think of marrying a girl who wasn’t a virgin,” She was usually soft spoken but she was so frustrated with him that her voice got louder as she continued to talk. .  “I’m not to blame for you being a cheater...” 

Andrew scowled at her, pulling her back onto her feet and smacking her again, this time using the back of his hand. “Don’t raise your voice to me, Marissa.”

Marissa felt weary, and she gave up on defending herself. Andrew would not listen to reason and she did not think she could stand for him to hit her anymore.  “I’m just...upset. I suppose I’m... not thinking straight. You’re right; I shouldn’t have talked to you like that...” She was relieved when Andrew’s hard stare softened slightly and he led her over to the couch. She sat down straight away, and tensed up Andrew sat next to her. She wished he would not sit so close to her but refrained from moving away, not wanting him to lose his temper again.

“I didn’t mean to go so far, sweetheart...” Andrew took hold of her hand and seemed remorseful, all of a sudden. “It’s not like I enjoy hurting you. If you had just listened to me then none of this would have happened. I admit that I made a terrible mistake. I should never have touched Laura, but you have to know it meant nothing to me. She was always jealous of you, and she kept flirting with me. I was mad at you, and I was frustrated because I couldn’t be as close to you as I wanted. I didn’t mean it when I said it was your fault. Look, all you have to do is follow my lead, and we’ll be really happy together. I don’t think I’m asking too much of you, especially since I’m clearing all your family debt.” 

That was true. Marissa’s stepmother had never worked a day in her life, apart from some modelling in her youth. Marissa’s job at the library, though enjoyable, did not pay well at all. Without Andrew’s help, they would have been drowning in their debt. There was no escaping the fact. Marissa had not wanted him to help them, but her stepmother had ignored Marissa’s concerns and accepted his help. At the time Marissa had thought he had a kind heart but now she could see that he had done it for his own benefit. Marissa felt obligated to Andrew, and there was no way she could pay him back even if she took on some extra jobs. She wished she had been able to go to college, but her father’s passing away and the revelation of all the debt he had hidden from them had crushed that dream for her. How different her life would have been then. Then again, she would never have met Jimmy and she would not have changed meeting him for the world. She was just relieved that Andrew did not know about Jimmy giving her a ride home.  She dreaded to think what he would have done if he had known. Marissa would never be able to forgive herself if she put Jimmy and the troupe in danger. She had been blind, fooled by Andrew’s sweet, easy charm and good looks. Now she could see that beneath his gentlemanly exterior he was a monster with a cold heart. Her future husband. She did not believe he felt guilty for what he had done to her at all. Rather, he was just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. And so in return, she told him what he wanted to hear. Andrew’s lunch break was long since over, which Marissa was glad for because it meant he had to get back to work and she could leave. 

Jupiter was a small town, and gossip travelled fast. Andrew did not want word to get around of what had happened, since it would damage his pristine reputation in town. So he had taken her home in his car, and she had been careful to keep her face hidden where he had cut her lip and there was a darkening bruise close to her jawline. Marissa was just relieved when she was in the house and Andrew had gone. She had gone upstairs to her room and freshened up, before curling up on her bed holding a pillow for comfort. She shut her eyes to block out the world and just imagined she was somewhere else, in a place where Andrew did not exist and she was with Jimmy. Eventually she must have drifted off to sleep, because she woke up to someone shaking her shoulder. It was her stepmother, Grace. 

“Darling, have you been sleeping all this time? I came home to find the house dark and nothing prepared for dinner,” Grace sounded irritated. “It’s just not like you to be so lax.” She switched on the lamp at Marissa’s bedside table, and then gasped when she saw the state of her stepdaughter. “Who did this to you?”

“Andrew,” Marissa replied quietly. 

“Well, darling...” Grace sat down on the bed, seeming uncomfortable. “Everybody makes mistakes, you know,” She examined Marissa’s face, shaking her head slowly. “I’m sure he regrets it terribly. And I can cover this bruise up in no time. Why, it’ll be like it was never even there.” 

“The magic of make-up, of course. That will solve everything,” Marissa replied acerbically. “Oh, mother...Is that really all you can say?”

“I think you need some rest, darling. I’ll make dinner tonight,” Grace quickly stood up and left the bedroom.   

\------------------------------------

A few days later Marissa was at home alone. She was startled when she heard the doorbell ring. She knew she could not let anyone see her while she was still recovering, but she still wanted to know who it was. So she took a peek out of a window, pulling a curtain aside and she was surprised to see it was Jimmy. She rushed to the door, forgetting all about her resolve to ignore whoever was visiting the Winters residence.  Yet as she had her hand on the latch she hesitated, thinking about the possible repercussions of her letting him in – only for a few moments, before she opened the door slightly, half hiding behind it.

“Jimmy, hello. What are you doing here?” 

He shrugged, giving her a half smile. “Just figured I’d come see why you haven’t visited us lately,” Then his smile disappeared and he frowned at her, “But if you don’t want me here, I’ll leave.”

“No, please come in!” Marissa exclaimed, opening the door wider but making sure she stayed behind it still. She waited for Jimmy to enter then shut the door. “I just had a little accident; I guess I’m self-conscious about people seeing it.” 

Jimmy cursed softly when he saw Marissa’s face fully. “What the hell...” He looked visibly upset. “An accident? Come on, doll. Try again, tell me what really happened.” 

“I’m not lying,” Marissa replied, averting her eyes. “I was in a friend’s car, and we had a minor crash.” She led Jimmy to the living room and gestured to the couch. “Take a seat; can I get you some iced tea?”

Jimmy did not seem satisfied by her explanation, but to her relief he let the topic drop. “How about you sit down and I’ll get us some iced tea,” He suggested firmly.

“But you don’t know where everything is,” Marissa protested. “And besides, you’re my guest.”

Jimmy raised an eyebrow, seeming amused. “I don’t think it’s gonna be a challenge for me to find a few glasses and the iced tea. I bet it only takes me a few minutes,” He rushed out of the living room before Marissa could say anything else. 

She sat down, and sure enough, Jimmy was true to his word and came back with two glasses of iced tea, which he carefully set down on the coffee table. “Thank you, Jimmy,” Marissa smiled brightly as he sat down next to her. 

“It’s no problem,” Jimmy returned her smile, but it did not reach his eyes. He appeared troubled as he took a long sip of his iced tea. “Are you alright?” He asked, staring at her intently. 

“I’m fine, Jimmy.  How about you? How’s everyone at the show?” Marissa replied, touched by his concern and wishing she could just tell him everything but knowing it was not a good idea.

He shot her a disapproving look, appearing to know she was lying to him again. “Yeah, we’re all good. Some days are better than others,” He downed the rest of his iced tea, then set the glass down forcefully. “You ever been in love?” 

“Oh...” Marissa was startled by his unexpected question. She gazed at Jimmy thoughtfully before she nodded slowly. “Yes, I’m in love right now.” 

A look of disgust crossed Jimmy’s face. “It’s not the bastard with the mean right hook that bruised your face, is it?” He demanded to know. 

“What? No, remember I told you I was in a crash,” Marissa reiterated her lie.  “No one hit me, Jimmy. Now, I want to know, have you ever been in love?”

“What girl would love a freak like me?” Jimmy laughed bitterly and self-deprecatingly. 

Marissa could see the pain in his eyes although he was hiding it as much as he could. “Oh, Jimmy. Please don’t say that,” She put down her still full glass of iced tea and took hold of his hands gently. “You are not a freak. You’re unique, and any girl would be so lucky to have you as her own.”

He shook his head. “Yeah, right. I’m such a catch,” He retorted, yanking his hands out of her hold. “I was such a damn fool. I thought maybe, just maybe, Maggie would be different from the other girls. She made me feel like anything was possible. Like finally I found a girl who would want to be with me. But she just built my hopes up then destroyed them.”

“Who’s Maggie?” Marissa asked, a stab of jealousy cutting into her. “I thought maybe...that you liked Esmerelda?”

Jimmy frowned at her. “Esmerelda is Maggie’s stage name. Didn’t you know that?” 

Marissa shook her head quietly in reply, feeling like if she said anything he might snap at her again. She hated that Maggie had rejected him, because she could see how hurt and disappointed he was. Yet she also felt relieved, which she knew was mean. Again, she was selfishly thinking of herself.

Jimmy took a deep breath. “Look...I didn’t mean to be rude.  Sorry doll. I’m just not in a good place right now. Then again, when am I ever in a good place in my life?” He sighed as he wrapped his arms around her in a loose friendly hug which she returned willingly. When he went to pull away from the hug she held on tighter, so he just kept holding her, sensing that she needed a little comfort. And admittedly it felt nice, having her in his arms. He appreciated that she was not prejudiced against his kind, like a lot of the folk in Jupiter. She was pretty, in a soft, understated way. It was the sort of prettiness that had not jumped out at him straight away like with Maggie but that he had come to notice over his time of knowing her. She was sweet, and he felt like he could trust her although they did not know each other well. He considered her to be his friend, and as such it was natural that he felt protective of her. So it made him angry to think about her dating the lowlife bastard who thought it was all right to hit a woman. 

Thanks for reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, just a fan of the show.**

Jimmy found it hard to believe how the townspeople’s reactions to him and his extended family had changed so suddenly. He had won their admiration and respect, now that the psycho clown killer responsible for the brutal slaying of some of the townsfolk had died and his captives had been set free. It would not have happened without Jimmy’s involvement. He and Maggie could have been killed, but they had pulled through together and now he felt like things were starting to look up for him. Ticket sales were up, and there were no empty seats in the big top. It had been a few weeks since he had last seen Marissa. He had been so busy with his work but he did think about her. He had hoped he would be able to visit her in the library when he passed through town, but unfortunately she had not been there. Instead, there was an older woman with a pinched face and greying hair drawn back tightly from her face. He had politely enquired as to Marissa’s whereabouts and had been told, much to his shock, that Marissa had quit her job. The only other thing the woman had told him was that Marissa was going to be married soon, and it was clear she disapproved. Not as much as she disapproved of Jimmy. She had looked down on him from the moment he had stepped foot into the library, but that did not concern Jimmy too much. He was used to it. The stares and whispers. The looks of disgust and unease. It made people uncomfortable to face him, and those like him, who were different.

Maggie’s attitude towards him had changed too. He assumed it was because she was grateful he had risked his life to save hers. He didn’t want her to feel like that. Jimmy would have helped her, even if he hadn’t been in love with her. He would, because that was just the kind of guy he was. At first after Maggie had rejected him they had gone from an easy camaraderie to cold silence and ignoring each other. Now they were talking to each other again, and were forming a friendship again. She was flirting with him too, which he hated but also enjoyed at the same time. It made him hope for something he could not have with her, or any woman. He had decided it would be better to not fall in love again. It just hurt too much. He had his ma, his friends which were his family and he told himself that was all he needed. Deep inside, he was dissatisfied but it was easier when he threw himself into his chores and practicing his performances. It was not fair for Maggie to flirt with him, and he wanted to tell her to stop. He knew he had to confront her about it, but he kept putting it off. If it was her gratitude for his help, or pity that drove her actions, it would upset him though he would never admit it. He kept a lot of things bottled up inside. There were times he wished he could have someone he could tell all his secrets too and not be judged for them. Maggie was secretive, and he often got the feeling she was hiding something from him. Then again, it was impossible to know what she was thinking, she was not easy to read. It was too complicated trying to figure her out, and it frustrated him. She never said exactly what she thought. Marissa did the same, but Jimmy found it was easier to for him to find out how she felt. She was less complicated than Maggie. It was odd that somehow he understood Marissa more than Maggie, when he had known Maggie a little longer and he was around Maggie most of the time while he didn’t see Marissa often.  
Lunch at the camp grounds was a noisy, cheerful event as usual. Jimmy had two plates of food because he had skipped breakfast to work. Maggie was nowhere in sight, and she often had mysterious disappearances. He knew she would seek him out at some point, so he decided to wait until she did. He had been thinking about searching for her, but then decided he did not want to go running after her. She would come to him, and he would tell her to stop whatever little game she was playing. He was surprised when he went into his caravan and found Maggie in there, sitting on his bed. “What are you doing here, Maggie?”

“Waiting for you to come in, silly. We need to talk,” Maggie replied, showing him her stunning smile as patted the space next to her on the bed. “Sit down, Jimmy.”

Jimmy ignored her request to sit down, and crossed his arms. “Look, you’ve gotta stop this right now. We’re friends, and that’s ok. I can handle that, but what I can’t take is you being so damn flirty and teasing me all the time.”

“What?” Maggie whispered, her smile fading as she stood up and walked over to him. “No, I’m not teasing you at all.” She bit her lip, and took hold of his hands before she gazed up at him, a sincerity in her big hazel eyes that he found hard to ignore. “Jimmy, I’m sorry, I really am,” She gently squeezed his hands for a moment before she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing a kiss onto his cheek. “I should have said yes, the first time you asked me. I was really confused then, but now I know how I feel. I like you, a lot. It just took me a while to realize it...” She laughed softly, looking away for a moment before her gaze returned to him. “And I know you like me, so we should be together. I’m ready for it, if you are.”

Jimmy leant down to kiss her, and she met him halfway. He held her close and they kissed, softly at first but then the kiss grew in intensity and passion. The sudden haze of desire and his lust for the girl of his dreams cleared in his mind slightly and he pulled away, disentangling her arms from around him gently. “That was...” Jimmy shook his head, unable to find the words.

“It was amazing. Why did you stop?” Maggie asked, her eyes sparkling as she walked towards him again.

Jimmy sensed her intention to kiss him again and shook his head. “No. It’s not that simple. You think you can just kiss me and everything is ok? You think I’ll just accept you...” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that?”

She frowned, seeming flustered all of a sudden. “I know I made a mistake with you, but I explained. I even said I’m sorry,” Her full lips twisted slightly with her displeasure. “What else is there to say? If we’re gonna be together you can’t hold it over my head that I didn’t accept you at first. That’s in the past now,” She shrugged lightly. “So you have to move on. We can move forward together.”

“Tell me one thing. Why did you change your mind about me?” Jimmy asked.

“I already told you, Jimmy. I realized that you’re the right guy for me. It was just difficult because of your...”

“Because of my deformed hands,” He finished her words, with a bitter tone in his voice.

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Maggie gave him a brief look of reproach before her face softened. “You have to understand, it was a big shock to me when I saw them. And honestly, I didn’t think I could deal with it.” She took hold of his hands again. “Now I realize that I can. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that. This town is toxic, Jimmy. Do you really want to just be part of a sideshow all your life? We could just leave, you and me. Run away together...”

“You’re actually serious about this,” Jimmy stared at her in shock. “Maggie, come on. Where would we even go?”

“I don’t care, as long as it’s far away from here,” She replied blithely.

“I don’t know, I’d have to think about it. I just –” Jimmy was interrupted by a tentative knock on his door. He went over to the door, and opened it. “Marissa?” She looked different from the last time he had seen her. Her face had healed, but there was also an air of quiet resignation. There was a gold band with a diamond on the ring finger of her right hand, proof she was to be married. However, he could see that she did not look like a happy bride-to-be. And it unsettled him, to see her with that ring on her finger. It did not seem right.

“Hello, Jimmy,” Marissa smiled at him wanly, feeling a little sick as she noticed the neat red lip print on his face because it reminded her of that awful day with Andrew. As she looked past him and saw Maggie, her smile disappeared. Again, there was the unreasonable jealousy she felt towards Maggie. She did wonder, at their closeness and the fact that they had kissed, if Maggie had changed her mind about Jimmy. Part of her hoped so, as she wanted him to be happy, but she was not entirely convinced Maggie deserved him. Yet she knew she had no right to judge Maggie, and besides Maggie was much smarter than she was. After all, Maggie was not the one about to voluntarily trap herself into a loveless marriage while pining over Jimmy.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were...Nevermind. I’ll go, talk to you another time.” Except she knew that there probably would not be another time. Her upcoming wedding loomed over like a dark cloud, and it was soon. Once she was married, there was no way she could go near Jimmy again.

“Wait, it’s ok. You can stay, come in,” Jimmy called after as she turned away.

“I guess I’ll just leave you guys to talk,” Maggie slipped past Jimmy and out of the door. “Remember what I said, Jimmy. I meant every word,” She blew him a kiss and then walked away.

Marissa came into Jimmy’s caravan, and took a good look around. It was interesting for her to see the place that was Jimmy’s home. She thought it suited him. “I won’t stay long. I just wanted to see you again and ask you something important but I can’t ask you now that you’re with Maggie. It wouldn’t be right,” Marissa was very nervous about the proposition she wanted to ask Jimmy and it made her talk fast. “And you would have said no, anyway. It’s such a stupid idea, but I couldn’t think of anything more perfect either...”

Jimmy looked bemused. “Whoa, just take a deep breath and slow down. What exactly did you wanna ask me, Marissa?”

“I’m getting married. I don’t love him, but I have to marry him. He cheated on me, and he was the one who gave me that bruise I lied to you about. And...I found out what you do at those Tupperware parties.” It made Marissa feel uncomfortable talking about it, and her face felt hot as a pink flush crept onto her face. “I want something like that, well sort of. It’s different because I want my first time to be with you.”

“What?” Jimmy had a look of pure disbelief on his face. “First of all, you don’t have to marry this guy, whoever he is. There’s always a choice,” His dark eyes were a mixture of repressed anger and self-loathing as he continued to talk. “And I’m not a fucking escort, let me make that real clear to you. The show had some hard times, and I had to make money somehow. That was all. The ladies used me for their pleasure, and I got my money. If you’d seen some of ’em, the way they acted towards me. Like I was some kind of monster but they were all willing to spread their legs and let me touch them. You know why? Because they were lonely, desperate for what they weren’t getting at home.” The hard defensiveness in his expression faded, and he gave her a half smile. “Marissa, you’re better than that. So much better. And trust me, I’m doing you a favour by saying no.”

Marissa was disappointed, although she had known there was only a slim chance he would agree. “I had to give it a shot,” She sighed heavily. “You don’t understand, Jimmy. Nobody does. I’m marrying Andrew, and he’s wealthy. Now, my father left the family in a mountain of debt, and he has been making that mountain disappear. I didn’t ask him to do it, I didn’t want him to do it but now he has it’s something that cannot be undone. I’ll never be able to pay him back with money, but I can marry him and be a dutiful wife. If I don’t marry him, my mother and I lose our house. So you see, it’s not as simple as you make it sound. I never should have asked you in the way I did. I was nervous and it came out all wrong. Please, I don’t want you to think of me like those housewives who paid you. I’d never treat you like that. I’m really sorry. I wish I never said anything about it now.”

Jimmy looked thoughtful. “It’s alright. I know you didn’t mean any harm. But you’re right, I don’t understand. For the sake of a house, you’re gonna chain yourself to a bastard who treats you like nothing. You want to be miserable for the rest of your life, is that it?”

“I won’t be miserable!” Marissa exclaimed. “I’ll...I’ll make the best of my marriage. And it’s not just a house. It’s where I grew up, it’s my home and I don’t want to lose it.”

“You told me you were in love. And if it’s not your future husband, then who is he?” Jimmy questioned her.

Marissa was speechless for a few moments, and had to avert her gaze. If she looked into his face much longer she would just become a sobbing wreck. As it was, tears were starting to fall although she did her best to stop them. “It doesn’t matter who he is. I can’t be with him, he’s taken.” It was one thing to think it, but saying it made it more real, in a very painful way. She ached, not physically but emotionally. Her heart just hurt so much and she was so tired. She wished she could just be numb to the pain. “Besides, he’d never feel the same way I do even if he was free to be with me...”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jimmy snapped, seeming frustrated. “It doesn’t matter; I bet even if you could be with him you’d still chose that bastard and his money.”

Marissa was stung by Jimmy’s quick judgement of her. Yet in a way, he was right. She hated to admit it, but he was right and she would be honest with him. “I’m not marrying Andrew for his money. Not how you’re thinking about it. You think I want the big house, the luxury, to spend his money but I really, truly, do not care about things like that. Yes, his money will clear me from the debt and I’m so grateful for that but that’s the only positive thing I feel in terms of his money.” She steeled herself to look at him again. “I’ll tell you what I would do. I’d call off the wedding in a heartbeat. And it would be hard, but I’d be able to let go of the house because he’s the only one worth giving up my old life for.”

“So you’re really gonna marry that bastard? And there’s no way I can change your mind?”

“Yes, I’m going to marry him.”

“I think you’re making a big mistake,” Jimmy shook his head, as he gently wiped away her tears. “But don’t cry anymore, doll. I’ve changed my mind,” He drew her into a hug, holding her pressed close to him as he quietly spoke into her ear. “If it’s still what you want, I’m yours for tonight...”

Thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I’m really sorry it took so long, thanks for all the comments and love for the story. I really appreciate it. So this was a very awkward chapter to write, because I don’t write intimate scenes. However, I felt like I didn’t want to just gloss over it like I would usually do in stories so I wrote about it. Awkwardly 0_0**

**WARNINGS: Basically just a mild smut scene, so if that makes you uncomfortable and you want to skip it then don’t worry as you will not miss anything important.**

 

“I think I need a drink first,” Jimmy announced abruptly, letting go of Marissa and going over to a little side table on which lay a cheap brand of whiskey and a glass tumbler. He poured a generous measure of amber liquid into the glass, and downed it in one. “Ok, that’s better,” He came back over to Marissa and gently took hold of her hands, staring at her intently with his deep brown eyes. “Are you sure you wanna do this, doll?”

Marissa nodded eagerly, bright smile lighting up her face. “Yes, you’re the only one I want, Jimmy. Although...” She hesitated, her smile fading as quickly as it had come as she looked down to their joined hands. “You don’t have to do this if you really don’t want to.” Marissa hated to say it, but she had to give him one last chance to back out. He was clearly already uncomfortable about the idea of sleeping with her, and she felt bad that she had basically guilt tripped him into agreeing to spend the night with her. It was not a good sign that he needed a drink to go through with it.

Jimmy gently squeezed her hands, bringing one of her hands up to his mouth and dropping a kiss on the back of her hand. “I never do anything I don’t want to do. Don’t worry about it. I’m ready to do this with you...I just don’t want do this the wrong way. I want to make sure it’s good for you, so in the future you only have a good memory of tonight.” He stood up and walked a few short steps to lock the door of his trailer and shut the curtains before he returned to her side. “It’s just so I know we’ll have the privacy we need,” He explained, smiling softly as he sat down on his bed and patted the empty space next to him. “Come and join me, doll.”

Marissa sat down near Jimmy, who had bent down to unlace his boots and take them off. She followed suit, slipping off her plain low heeled shoes. She watched shyly as Jimmy pulled off his t-shirt, leaving his toned chest bare. He was so gorgeous, and she did not feel she could match up to him. Yet she was still determined to follow through with her plan. As she unbuttoned her dress, Jimmy’s gaze roamed over her appreciatively, which caused a red flush to creep up onto her pale face as she discarded her dress and sat there in just her underwear.

“You’re beautiful,” Jimmy stated firmly, as he pulled back the covers on his bed. “You want to get under the sheets and finish undressing?”

“Yes, that would be good,” Marissa replied, finding it much easier to remove her underwear when she had the covers to hide behind.

Jimmy got rid of his jeans, leaving only his briefs on as he got under the covers next to Marissa. He gently straddled her, careful not to rest too much weight on her as he pressed his lips against hers softly. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, and kissing him with fervour. His body was almost flush with hers. She loved the feel of his warm, lean, muscular body on hers. Marissa was very excited about what was coming, but she was also very nervous too. Marissa was worried that she would disappoint Jimmy and about how much it might hurt. However, she also knew Jimmy would be patient with her. He had always treated her kindly. Being here with him was really a dream come true, and she knew she had to forget about her fears and insecurities – at least for now. When Jimmy stopped kissing her, her heart jumped. She thought that was it. That he would take her. All he had to do was get rid of his briefs. She could feel that he was aroused, a warm length pressed up against her soft sensitive core. And already she felt something stirring within herself. It was a strange feeling, but not an unpleasant one. She was very attracted to him, and she knew that was part of the reason why she was feeling such odd yet pleasurable sensations. Jimmy started trailing kisses down her neck, and onto her chest. He gently caressed her breasts as he continued his trail of kisses down towards her stomach. His head was directly between her legs, his hands resting on her thighs. He was so close she could feel his breath on her delicate sex.

Marissa was astonished by what she knew he was planning to do to her. “Oh, Jimmy...You don’t have to do that, you know. We can start now, if you want.”

Jimmy raised his head and gave her a mischievous smile. “No, we actually can’t start yet, doll. Just relax and let me take care of you.”

“Ohh...” Marissa bit her lip as she felt Jimmy’s mouth on her most intimate part, his tongue working absolute magic on the little sensitive bump that was her clitoris. Her hands went into Jimmy’s soft curls, just holding his head to her gently, arching up into his touch as her eyes drifted shut. “Jimmy, it’s...I...I can’t even...Mmm...” Marissa was trembling with all the strange, enjoyable pulses she felt. She had never felt anything like it before, she felt like she was entering a whole new world. It was amazing, and she did not want it to stop but she knew it had to eventually, and it did.

Jimmy sat up and touched her lightly with his hand, grinning when he felt the wetness of her arousal. “How do you feel now, doll?”

Marissa was already flushed red from Jimmy’s ministrations on her, and she knew if she had not already been red she would have been now. “Really good, thank you for, um...” She hesitated, laughing softly. “Thank you, Jimmy, that was...incredible.”

“Well, I think you’re ready now...” Jimmy moved over her so he was lying on top of her, still careful not to rest too much weight on her. He kissed her softly, staring into her eyes with concern etched into his face. “Remember, you can ask me to stop at any time. If it hurts, tell me, ok?”

“I will, Jimmy...” Marissa took a deep breath. “I’m ready...” She was still nervous, but she also felt a sense of anticipation for what was about to happen. She could feel Jimmy now, pressing into her slowly as she moved her legs further apart to better accommodate his entry. It was painful, but she knew the pain would not last forever as she felt herself stretching. That was not the worst pain, though. That pain came when he broke through her hymen. It hurt a lot, and she had to hold back tears, but the pain soon subsided.

Jimmy was completely inside her, and he was not moving, waiting for her body to adjust to him being insider her. She felt so good, a wet tight warmth that he desperately wanted to thrust into but he knew he had to be patient. She had been so brave, he knew she had been in pain, and he felt bad for hurting her. Still, he knew he would be able to make it up to her soon. Jimmy peppered little kisses all over Marrissa’s face. “I won’t move until you tell me it’s alright. And we can...still stop.” It was the last thing Jimmy wanted to do, but he had to put Marissa first. He was really touched that she trusted him enough to give her first time to him. He waited until she nodded, and then he started thrusting. Slowly at first, but he soon moved faster. Marissa was making little noises, and she was not really focused on anything. Sometimes she would look at him, other times she would close her eyes. It was great because he knew it meant he was giving her such intense sensations it was hard for her to concentrate. He could feel himself coming to the brink, but a few times he held himself back, because he wanted her to come before he did. He used his hand to help her climax, and only then did he allow himself to lose control. It was different. Though he had had sex with more experienced women, he had never really felt anything from their encounters. If anything, those encounters just left him feeling empty. However, this time, it felt right for him to have slept with Marissa. Afterwards, Jimmy held Marissa in his arms. “How was that?”

“It was wonderful, Jimmy. I’ll never forget this. I just hope it was good for you...” Marissa wished she could stay in his arms forever, but she knew it could never happen. “I should call a cab to come and pick me up. I’m sure you’ve got other stuff you want to do.”

 “Marissa, it was a lot of fun for me. Don’t worry about a cab; I’ll drop you back home.” Jimmy did not want her to leave, but she seemed like she was ready to go and he did not want her to feel like he was forcing her to stay the night. “We better get dressed first, though...”

Fun. Of course it was just fun to him. Marissa knew it would never mean anything more to him, and though it upset her she knew it was her own fault. She was the one who had asked him to sleep with her, and he had done so. He had fulfilled her request. That was it. That was all she was going to ever have. One night with Jimmy. She put her underwear on, then quickly put her dress and shoes back on. Jimmy was faster getting dressed than she was, and he unlocked his door and went outside to go and start up his bike. Marissa felt uncomfortable and a little sore as she started walking, but she liked it. It was a physical reminder of what had just happened. She smiled sadly as she got onto Jimmy’s bike and wrapped her arms around his waist. Marissa was happy she had been able to give herself to Jimmy. Whatever else Andrew took from her, he would never get her virginity. However, she was sad because she had to go back to a life that she hated. A life without Jimmy. When Jimmy parked his bike a block away from her house, she got off the bike and so did he. “Thank you for everything, Jimmy. You don’t know how much it means to me...” Marissa hugged him tightly,

Jimmy did not know how long he stood here, holding Marissa, but he realized it had been too long when he saw curtains twitching in a house across the block from where they stood. He gently pulled away from Marissa, and kissed her forehead quickly. “No, thank _you_ , doll. I had a great time too. Hey, I’ll see you around, alright? You better go now, I saw a lady peeking out of her curtains at us.”

“Goodbye, Jimmy,” Marissa forced a smile, and waved as he rode off on his bike. When he left, she sank down to the grey sidewalk and started crying. She knew she could not go and see Jimmy ever again. She did not want to cause any trouble for him, and besides it would just be too hard to stay at his side as just a friend. He had Maggie. Marissa felt bad about what she had done with Jimmy, if only for Maggie’s sake, but she did regret it. Maggie got to have Jimmy forever, and Marissa had just borrowed him for a short time. Marissa stood up and hurried home before she drew too much attention to herself. She needed to take a hot bath and try not to think about Jimmy, though she knew it would be impossible not to think about him. Especially after what had just happened.

**Thanks for reading :)**

 


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, and it’s a short chapter but I thought at least a short update is better than no update. Thank you to all the wonderful readers who wait so patiently for updates. I know it’s not nice.**

**DISCLAIMER: Own nothing, just a fan.**

Marissa was supposed to be in bed taking her afternoon nap. Instead, she was sitting on the carpeted floor of her bedroom with newspaper clippings spread out around her. It was the only place the new housekeeper Andrew had hired would not snoop around in, because Marissa was the only one who had the key. The nightstand had come with Marissa from her old house after she married Andrew. Marissa hated the housekeeper, Mrs Farley, a sour faced woman with mousy brown hair scraped back into a tight bun, cold blue eyes and a permanent frown on her face. However Mrs Farley would always smile when Andrew was around and she treated him like he was some kind of prince among me. It was disturbing, as Marissa could see that the smiles were genuine. Mrs Danvers actually _admired_ Andrew, despite knowing how  cruel he could be.

She had fallen pregnant not long after her marriage to Andrew. He had insisted on hiring a housekeeper when Marissa went into her third trimester. He had stopped hitting her from the day he found out she was pregnant. However, it did not stop him from verbally bullying her, belittling her and ordering her around like she had no mind of her own. He made her feel miserable, but Marissa endured it, for the sake of her unborn child. She would do anything to protect the baby. She desperately wanted to run away, but she knew she needed to save more money first. The little she had saved before getting married from her library job was a mere pittance, and Andrew had forced her to stop working after they married. She was secretly saving up as much money as she could from the monthly allowance Andrew gave her. She was planning to run away once the baby was born. Andrew seemed happy about her pregnancy, but Marissa knew his feelings about the baby could change. It was not a problem if he hit her, but Marissa could never forgive herself if her baby was hurt because of him.

Picking up one of the newspaper clippings, she reread the article, even though she knew the words off by heart as she had read it so many times before. It was one of the articles describing the massacre that had occurred at the camp grounds of Elsa’s sideshow. Most of the performers had been shot dead in cold blood, but some were missing. The reporter had surmised that the missing ones were dead too, but the killer had hidden the bodies. The idea that Jimmy had been murdered was one she could not accept.  Or the idea that Jimmy himself was supposed to be a murderer, as a few weeks prior to the massacre the newspaper had written an article about one of the performers being found guilty of the Tupperware Murders. The article had even included a grainy photo of Jimmy as he appeared on one of the sideshow advertisements as the Lobster Boy. However, not long after that article had come a new one where Jimmy had  escaped prison and killed two police officers in the process. Another article about the massacre had linked the Tupperware Murders as well, having a theory that it was Jimmy who had killed the other performers.

Marissa did not believe any of the articles. Jimmy had a rough exterior at times, but underneath he had a heart of gold. He could not be a murderer. None of the articles had gone into detail over which performers had been killed – as the reporters obviously did not care enough to write about them in detail. This was in stark contrast to the Tupperware Murder. So Marissa had no way of knowing which ones had been killed and which were missing. She wanted to believe Jimmy was alive, that all the missing performers were alive and they were just hiding but she knew there was a possibility that Jimmy was dead. Marissa was very depressed, but the baby slowly forming inside her gave her a very good reason to stay strong and not break down. She had to be there for the baby. Marissa had gotten married three days after the magical night she had spent with Jimmy.

Fortunately, Andrew had been drunk on their wedding night and had not realized she was no longer a virgin. If he had known, he would have killed her, or she would have ended up in hospital. She was sure of  it. Andrew never used protection, but neither had Jimmy. Marissa knew there was a chance her baby could be Jimmy’s child too, but it was a small chance as she had only slept with him once. It was much more likely that the baby was Andrew’s child. Marissa loved the baby with all her heart, so she felt bad for feeling disappointed whenever she thought about the baby’s father being Andrew. The baby was innocent. She knew it should  not matter who the father was, but every day she prayed it was Jimmy’s child.

Even if Jimmy was alive, she would not see him again. He would have run as far away from Jupiter as he could get. Perhaps he was with Maggie. Perhaps he had been able to escape with the other missing performers. She hoped that if he were alive, he was happy. When Marissa heard a knock on the door, she was startled. She had been so caught up in thinking about Jimmy, about the past, that she had forgotten to check the time. It was now half past four, and Mrs Farley was home from her weekly grocery shopping trip.

“Marissa!” Marissa heard Mrs Farley’s voice, muffled by the wooden door between them. She saw the door handle shake as Mrs Farley attempted to get in. “Open the door at once!”

“I’m just coming!” Marissa called back. She hastily gathered up all the newspaper clippings and slowly stood up. It took a bit of effort as her stomach was now very rotund and she was supporting the baby’s weight. “I’m getting dressed!” She lied, as she stuffed the newspaper clippings into the nightstand drawer and locked it, before putting the key back on a chain that went around her neck.

“I’ll have to call Mr Hawthorne if you don’t open the door!”

Marissa knew Mrs Farley would do it, and the last thing she wanted was another lecture from Andrew so she went and unlocked the door. “I’m fine, Mrs Farley. Honestly I am.”

“Why did you lock the door in the first place, you silly girl? What if you had slipped and hurt Mr Hawthorne’s baby? How could I have come to help you if there was an emergency?” Mrs Farley scolded her sharply. “Now, let me help you downstairs. You can help me with dinner. Being pregnant is no excuse for laziness.”

Marissa remained silent, although it hurt to hear Mrs Farley call her lazy. Marissa had not even wanted a housekeeper and before Mrs Farley had come she had willingly taken good care of the house and Andrew despite loathing him. However, Andrew had insisted she give up all her household chores and the cooking once she had gone into her seventh month of pregnancy. She allowed Mrs Farley to assist her in walking downstairs, although the housekeeper’s grip on her arm was painfully tight she did not dare complain about it. Mrs Farley was Andrew’s spy, and anything Marissa said or did was reported to him. Mrs Farley had no respect for Marissa, and although it was partly because Andrew himself had no respect for Marissa, the housekeeper simply disliked her. And now to Marissa, she felt as if Mrs Farley was a warden, and the house was her prison. She knew it would be difficult to run away with Mrs Farley watching over her. The only time Mrs Farley left the house was to go grocery shopping. Marissa only left the house now to walk through the back garden and take in some fresh air. Andrew wanted her inside as he felt it was safer for the baby.

She wished she could confide in her stepmother, but she knew she could not. Grace was only concerned with herself, and money. The sad truth was that she did not care about Marissa. As Marissa sat in the kitchen, mixing some pepper into chicken pâté, it was hard to think about the fact that she did not have any family left. However, she took some comfort in the fact that once the baby was born she would have started her own family. A new family, just her and the baby. If she did manage to get away from Andrew’s clutches and start a new life somewhere else, she knew it was not going to be easy. She only had her high school diploma and experience of working in a small town library, and she would be a single mother. She had no idea how she would balance child care and work, if she was even able to find a suitable job. And she would need a place to live.

“There you go, daydreaming again,” Mrs Farley snatched the bowl of pâté out of Marissa’s hands. “You’re not much help. Go sit in the living room, I’ll have to manage everything as usual.”

Marissa was glad to leave, the smell of the pâté made her feel sick. She had used to love it, but now the idea of having it disgusted her. She sat quietly on the couch for an hour, trying to read one of her favourite books but it was no use. The words kept swimming in front of her and all she could think about was Jimmy. That one special night was meant to make her be able to move on and forget him but it was impossible. Especially considering the fact there was a small possibility she was having his baby. Marissa knew she should feel guilty about cheating on Andrew but she did not. She did not even consider him to be her husband, the vows they had exchanged were meaningless to her.

She cringed when she felt a hand resting on her shoulder. It was Andrew, and she pasted a smile on her face before turning in her seat to see him. “Hello.”

“How is my son today?” Andrew asked, coming to sit next to her on the couch. “Did you get enough rest? It’s important you don’t overexert yourself.”

Mrs Farley appeared, smiling brightly at Andrew as she handed him a glass tumbler half filled with an amber liquid. “Mr Hawthorne, I brought you some brandy. Dinner will be ready shortly.”

“Thank you, Anna,” Andrew replied. “I look forward to it. You’re such a wonderful cook. Marissa needs to take lessons from you, after the birth of course.”

When Mrs Farley had left, he placed one hand on the bump of Marissa’s stomach, while he drank his brandy. “I have the perfect name for our son.” He put the empty tumbler down. “Andrew,” He rubbed Marissa’s stomach gently. “Andrew Junior. He’ll grow up to be just like his father. It’s perfect, don’t you think so, darling?”

Marissa did not like him touching her, especially her stomach. And she would ensure the baby was nothing like Andrew as an adult. The idea of the baby - if she had a boy - having his name repulsed her. “What if I have a girl?”

“Then you would have failed me,” Andrew replied coldly, then laughed. “No, it’s a joke. It’s fine, we would just have to try again.”

 The phone rang, and Marissa got up to answer it as Mrs Farley was busy in the kitchen and she knew Andrew would not be bothered to pick it up. “Hello, this is the Hawthorne residence, Mrs Hawthorne speaking.” Marissa held the phone receiver in her hand for a few moments, waiting for a reply. She heard nothing but silence. “Hello?” Just as she was about to hang up the phone, she heard a familiar voice she never thought she would be able to hear again.

“Hello, doll.”

**Thanks for reading :)**


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